Saturday, October 03, 2009

You know how people like to get their fortunes told and then tend to only believe that the good things that were foretold will happen? The bad things are just swiftly tucked away into a corner of their minds while the good things keep them happy and anticipating. If only the world worked like that. But too bad it doesn't and harsh as it is, I think it's bullshit when people think like that.

I understand the need to be optimistic because people always say, "good things will happen if you're optimistic!" I don't know if that's true but that line sure has kept many people happy. As for me, I think I'm just more of a realist. Just like any other dreamer, I have all these wonderful thoughts in my head of how my life will turn out or how I'll meet the man of my dreams and live happily ever after. Really, I do. But then my brain seems to have this auto "down-to-earth" function that never fails to drag me back to reality and show me how fucked up this world has become.

I'd like to think I have a pretty high level of tolerance but there are some things I just can't keep quiet about. Friends using friends, family disputes and arguments over money, just to name a few. It's ironic how these things usually happen among the ones whom we think we love. That's the problem, the word "love" has been so overused that to me, it has lost all it's significance. I find it scary how people can look you in the eye and say "I love you" and then turn around and stab you in the back the next moment. Or they could just be saying it for the sake of it, because the situation calls for it. I guess this is why I don't ever trust anyone when they say that to me.

I witnessed a huge happy family who used to get together all the time crumble into nothing. Where are those sincere and wide smiles we used to show whenever we were together? Gone are the days whereby all we needed was good food and good company. Nowadays it's all about competition, money and self-interest.

I'm sick of it. Sick of ALL these endless fights over the same old shit that go on in the family. Why can't everybody just take a step back and let things slide? Isn't that what you "adults" taught us to do when we were young? To be tolerant? Look who's the child now.

Don't go telling me that life gets more complicated as you grow up because I already know that. But just because you're about three or four decades ahead of me doesn't make you any wiser or more matured than me. In fact, I think those years have screwed your brain over so badly that you're acting like a spoilt 10-year-old brat.

All these problems probably won't ever be resolved so I'm not even going to try. I'll just retreat back to my corner and as usual, pretend like I'm not aware of what's going on in this so-called "family" and just smile or say hello like a good girl when I'm told to.

So you say, do I love my family? I used to.

P.S. If you think I'm gonna obey your every command just because you're my dad, all I can say is... fat hope. I'm not like mum, I won't listen to your every word. You can lose your temper for all I care, I don't give a fucking shit.

no where, at all. 2:50 am

about the girl.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

next best thing to kbox: cbox.

the past that haunts her.

thanks.