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about the girl.
kym.
20.
born 29th september 1989.
working.
living for the sake of it.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Bruises, cuts, scratches and aches. You name it, I've got it. Note to self: Don't be distracted by your thoughts when you're cycling. -.-
But all the physical pain I endured today, it's nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling inside.
It's 14th of September now, 1 more day and it'll have been 3 years. I still can't get over it. The injustice, just thinking about it gets me riled up. I try not to think about it most of the time because once I do, the tears just won't stop falling. But during this time of the year, I just can't help it. So I guess I just have to let it fall again. I have a feeling it'll still be like this for many years to come.
I suddenly remembered all the promises we made. How we were going to study overseas together and live together, free from our parents' reigns. Any country would've been fine, as long as we were together. We would turn 20 together, 30, 40 or even 50. We stopped at 50 because we couldn't stand the idea of being 60 year old hags. It's not right, how our promises were taken away from us forcefully. Even more so since we're both the type to try to always deliver what we promise, especially promises made to friends. I suppose this is why I'm not looking forward to my birthday this year at all. To be honest, I just want to skip it.
I miss all the random little things you did for me and how they never failed to make me smile. Sometimes one encouraging or funny sms was all it took. We both loved stuff like this. I try to do the same with my other friends now, hoping to bring them some smiles, but its just never the same when you're unsure of how the other person feels about you. I was always an insecure person but around you, strangely there was never such a thing.
In my world, there's no longer such a thing called "best friend". I can only have close friends I share secrets or thoughts with because I don't have the courage to call anyone my best friend again even though it feels to me as if I'm short-changing someone. I just can't do it. Forgive me my weakness, I can't bring myself to fill that void in my heart. Not when you were undoubtedly my soul mate.
People tell me to let go even though it's hard but I don't know how to and I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. Even if I do succeed somehow, it'll go back to square one every time it's this time of the year. I feel like a weakling and I hate myself for all my weaknesses.
And now, the tears won't stop. no where, at all.12:37 am
