Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The power of words. You might think it's just a screen full of text but it's amazing how many emotions they can invoke.

Today, some text made me feel very happy and very blessed indeed :)

Looking forward to November <3

no where, at all. 5:13 am

Monday, August 24, 2009

Happy stuff.

There you go, Geri and Kelda. :D

no where, at all. 2:15 am

Friday, August 21, 2009

I will never be good enough. Not in anyone's eyes, not even my own.

no where, at all. 7:29 pm

Monday, August 17, 2009

Jayjay... My poor little doggy... Please be alright... :(

Last night I slept at 2.30am but I was unpleasantly awoken at 6.30am by a nightmare. I dreamt that I was drowning in the sea. That was no joke at all, it was so vivid and scary. I think I was looking for something since I kept reaching out to grab at something under water.. But I honestly don't know what it was. Whatever it was, I didn't manage to get it. And I could slowly feel my breath slipping away and feel myself struggling to stay alive.

Geri and I went to google the meanings of dreaming about drowning and I must say, it doesn't look too good right now. The definitions also speak of a failure in business which does not bode well since we just started Spree Easy (www.spreeeasy.com).

Some definitions speak of my subconscious mind telling me something is going very wrong and that I should look into it. It's not that I don't want to deal with my problems. I just... don't know how to go about doing it. Most definitions say I'm having emotional problems and that repressed issues are coming back to haunt me. This was true a while back.. but if I'm dreaming of it now, does this mean more of it is to come?

Ahhhhhhhh headache, tummyache, heartache.

no where, at all. 11:41 am

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I am not happy at all. Sums up everything nicely.

And from now on, I'm never using "Get a life!" as an insult because to be honest, life sucks.

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Somehow whenever I have something happy to blog about, Blogger fucks up big time. But when I'm down in the ditches, Blogger always miraculously comes back to life. So yeah, I guess this shall remain an emo blog for all of eternity until Blogger allows me to share my happiness.

no where, at all. 12:07 am

Thursday, August 06, 2009

People say that when you're sad or unhappy, you tend to fall ill more easily.

Is that true?

I hope not.

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Gambling, DotA, going out for food and shopping with my parents and brother. Pretty much the things I do when I'm back in JB. So lifeless, I know. Thank goodness I'm going back to Singapore tomorrow, then I won't feel so cut off from the world x.X .. And wow, I never thought it'd feel so weird to have a beer with your parents. My mom literally FORCED me to finish up the beer in the fridge since it's been there for a while and it was taking up too much space. Then they made me play mahjong/chor dai di/russian poker with them since they were short of a player. Now you see why my numerology analysis stated my one of my future careers as gambler said I could turn into an alcoholic? My parents are responsible for it =___=

Dinner with friends tomorrow. But ahhhh Aston's again, that's twice in the past week. Now I know what Geri was going through -.- I know it's cheap and good but... ahhh =_= ... Should I try the pork chop this time?

Meeting with Mon and Joel on Saturday to sort out business stuff. I really hope this goes well. It might just be the only thing that's going well in my life right now.

It's confirmed that my brother's leaving for the UK in September and my niece/sister-in-law will head over later in November after he's found a place to settle down. 2009 really is the year of many goodbyes. I hate it. I know it's only for a year but many things can happen in a year and I can't imagine not seeing my niece for a year. Not having her around during CNY, not hearing her laughter or noise for a year and not hearing any new funny stories about her from my parents/brother/sister like how I do almost every week. I'm gonna miss her so much. I don't think I can handle missing so many people at one time. All my favourite people aren't around haha.

Speaking of September, quite a few friends are enlisting for NS in September too. I can't say I'll miss them all, but I will miss a few closer ones. I've always looked forward to September, specifically the 29th. But this year, it's gonna suck so bad since everyone isn't around. I think I'll just stay home and not do anything about it. Sounds like a plan.

Is this the price of growing up? Will every year be like this year from now on?

no where, at all. 4:00 am

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Note: Avoid reading this post if you don't wanna waste time, or don't like long pointless rants.

Been wanting to blog for daaayyyysss but blogger kept cocking up. So many back-dated entries I wanna post now. So finally, blogger decides to work properly today. This is probably the only thing that has gone right for me today. How pathetic is that?

Last night, I called my mum to tell her I won't be going home this weekend and I'll probably go back either this coming monday or next weekend. Then she merrily tells me she won't be around next weekend because she'll be going to Genting with my sis and 2 aunts. THEN she continues on with..

Mom: Oh ya, I forgot to ask if you wanna go. Totally forgot about you.
Me: Huh why you nv tell me? I wanna go leh!
Mom: Errr... Aiya I forgot. We booked the air tickets already leh how?
Me: ..........
Mom: Ahhh ok ok I ask your aunt again whether we can add another booking.
Me: K, update me.

MY MOTHER DOES NOT LOVE ME. She probably even forgot she has another daughter.

But okay, moving on to today. First I suffer from insomnia (again) then when I finally fell asleep, my idiot of a brother calls me to wake me up for no reason. He thought mum was going to come pick me so he called to wake me up, but I wasn't even fucking going home. So I put down the phone and go back to sleep. A few minutes later, my mum calls me again to ask me whether I confirm wanna go Genting cause if I want, she'll change her ticket to my name so I can go. Gee good golly, great plan mom. Wtf, of course I wouldn't go if it meant you couldn't go la. So I said forget it.. Since I think they'd all wanna go to the casino and I wouldn't be able to enter it since I'm only 20. AND THIS IS DAMN WIN. She asked me.. "You're 20 only meh?" ...... WOW MA. THANKS. Now I'm even more convinced I was adopted or picked up from a garbage dump.

So fuck it. I said forget it and went back to sleep. Except I couldn't, because ALL my cousins decided that late Saturday morning is a good time to be at home to make a hell lot of noise. Games on MAX volume. Music on MAX volume. Their talking, screaming and laughing? That's right, also on MAX volume. Fucking kaninabeh dulan.

After all that fiasco, I somehow managed to sleep again. Only to wake up and find that someone turned my alarm clock off. I was supposed to wake up at 1, and the time then was 2.30. I needed to meet my friends in town at 3. AWESOME. So I didn't even get to eat lunch (which was already bought for me) and I had to rush off to town.

Arcade time was fine, it was fun. But dinner? Fucking hell, longest queue at Aston's I've ever seen. Fucking queue until the escalator area, wtf. So okay nvm, we waited. And in the end? Our waiting time was even longer than the time we spent actually eating our food. The only consolation was that the food there was cheap and good as usual. So afterward, we hung out till about a bit after 11. I wanted to save money so I crossed the road to take 190 from the SMU area and wtf... While crossing the road, I missed 2 empty 190's cause the bus stop was pretty far from the crossing. Fuck. So forget it, I just waited and the next bus came after more than 10mins. Even at 11 plus, the buses were FUCKING crowded. I missed 2 fucking buses before I barely managed to squeeze on the third one, what's the deal with that!?

By the time I got to Steven's Road whereby I change to 960 to go home, it was already 12. I checked the board and okay, safe. Last bus still isn't here yet. Then once the last bus came... Wow surprise surprise, it was fucking packed and I couldn't get on at all. ARGH! DON'T PEOPLE REST AT HOME ON A SATURDAY!? Everyone goes out till 12!? :@ Fuck man, in the end I had to cab home and the fucking cab ride (including midnight charge) cost me 20 fucking dollars! It's fucking ironic. In my attempt to only spend 2 dollars going home by bus, I ended up spending more than 10 times that amount. KNNBCCB I might as well have just taken the fucking train!

Whatever, I got home. I thought that once I was home, nothing else could annoy me or get me down. What wishful thinking. I went to check my usual sites. Plurk, Facebook, Blogger, Twitter etc. and wtf, Twitter led me to allkpop, which was posting articles about DBSK having problems. Lawsuits, exclusivity clauses, endorsements, slave contract, disbandment, disharmony. You name it and it was there. Fuck, that was the end of it. I literally felt like screaming my heart out. I never used to follow idols, go to concerts or collect their items/pics but now I suppose I'm a pretty hardcore fangirl. DBSK is my favourite Korean boyband and fuck I think I'll really go ballistic if they split, or if the members (except Micky, he has no talent to speak of anyway) have to end their careers due to this.

Blogging really does make a person feel a wee bit better, not much. Today is just one of those days whereby I'm super convinced someone up there doesn't like me and aims to make my life miserable, giving me all my misfortunes all at once. You know what? Just make sure that all my misfortunes cover for my friends. Since I'm already suay as it is, I don't mind taking their bad luck too. As long as you keep them smiling all the time and send the good things their way, I don't mind leading this fucked up life. I'm always emo anyway, I can live with more of it.

I was going to blog about the other things I wanted to mention the past few days all at one shot. But it's 5.20am and I'm super tired. I'll leave those for another time. Goodnight and goodbye.

no where, at all. 4:50 am

about the girl.