Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sometimes, he actually makes sense.

no where, at all. 2:14 am

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Today is soooooo fucked up. So many things going wrong and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse since I'm gonna stay home, I fucking lost RM50 at Mahjong -.- My mum is happily counting her dollar notes while I stare at my empty wallet. Plus, I wasn't even the one giving her the tiles to win, my dad and brother kept feeding her and she just kept on winning so I got dragged down as well. Dulan to the maxxxxxx.

And last night was so horrible as well. I couldn't sleep at all! I kept waking up every hour or so partially due to the heat and also partially due to my overactive brain which kept giving me nightmares. So at like 7 in the morning, I couldn't take it and went to sleep in my mum's room with her aircon on after she left for her morning exercises. Finally managed to fall asleep after half an hour then I got woken up like 2 or 3 hours later. So I gave up totally and just resigned to having a bad mood for the rest of the day -.-

I'm going back to Singapore tomorrow, gonna meet Lamont and Kristle for lunch then Harry Potter. I seriously hope it's at least a little better than what people are giving it credit for =/I'm such a big HP fan that if this movie sucks balls, I think I'll be depressed for a week and that is no good since I'm supposed to be looking for a job these next two weeks ._.

I should be getting to bed soon.

no where, at all. 11:07 pm

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Caring for others sometimes makes us sad, sometimes makes us lonely.

But it makes us happy.

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Saw this somewhere and I think it's pretty true. I worry because I care, I can't sleep because I care. I think it's only natural and I'll never stop doing it even if I'm told to.

Do you care?

no where, at all. 7:33 pm

Friday, July 17, 2009

Wheeeeee! Karma exists!

This whole afternoon I was craving for Famous Amos while I was out for lunch with a few other interns. But then one of them had to get a gift for a friend so we went around shopping with her and my gawd, we passed by Famous Amos like 3 times? Each time we did, I took a huge whiff of the smell of awesome *_* But anyway I didn't get my cookies cause I didn't want to waste money, I was afraid I couldn't finish it and also didn't want to make the other interns wait for me since the shop was quite crowded. So I resisted!! Albeit with great difficulty :(

BUT YES GOOD KARMA EXISTS!! Cousins bought while they were in town and left a few pieces for me, just enough to satisfy my annoying craving :D

I am a happy cookie monster 8DDDDD

no where, at all. 12:25 am

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Last night was the happiest I've been in a while. Alcohol really does make everything alright, even if it's just for a little while.

Cuscaden on Tuesday is so cheap yet oh-so-crowded and slow but I guess that's just natural. Just wish the staff there were more helpful and friendly -.-

Ahhhhh shouldn't have drank so much. Now I'm so totally hungover at work haha.

no where, at all. 9:49 am

Monday, July 13, 2009

When will I ever learn to take my own advice?

Fuck, so sick of everything. I really just want to get away from here and be alone somewhere where nobody knows me. A fresh new start, all by myself.

Now if only money would fall from the skies.

no where, at all. 1:15 am

Friday, July 10, 2009

You know it's sad when the only thing keeping you happy at the moment is an idol you probably won't ever meet or talk to on a personal level in your life. I'm so hopelessly pathetic.

One week left in SYOGOC. I'm supposed to be happy, why am I not?

All the negative energy from everyone around me lately, when will that change? I doubt it'll be soon. The rest of this year will be a lonely one. My friends are gone, my brother's family is moving to London, my other family members are scattered everywhere and nobody seems to care about one another anymore. So be it.

Someone just.. give me large amounts of money and get me out of here. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to see familiar faces which I don't recognise anymore. I don't want to talk to people I don't like anymore. I don't want listen to everyone's bullshit anymore. I'll deal with leaving my family and friends. I'll learn to cope without anyone else around and shut myself in so just please get me out of here.

no where, at all. 10:07 pm

I really do.

I don't think I'm gonna get any sleep tonight. Thanks a lot for calling me earlier and messing with my brain again.

------------------------

Those freezing hands aren’t your fault
They carry scars from long before
Afraid to love someone,
You turn your back on the other side of the words…

Like ice, the embraced heart slowly starts to thaw

For anyone to be loved by someone,
Makes life in this world shine
If it was me, I’d make your heart warm once more
With eternal tenderness

Even if fate’s games hurt the heart…
On the other side of the tears,
A single ray of light will swoop down into the darkness
We know that this is so

As strong as the suffering, we can feel people’s warmth

Everyone is searching for a place
That can take away the sorrow and loneliness
So… for you, that place is here
Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate anymore, because I’ll protect you

To the point of being painful (my heart)
This love is beautiful (don’t be afraid)
Even if just momentarily (let you know my love)
This time is beautïful (you know… let you know my love)

no where, at all. 4:38 am

Monday, July 06, 2009

Wow this facebook quiz is actually spot-on o.0 Well... not that I'm saying I'm "highly attractive", just the other parts about my personality. And I totally LOL'ed at the obsessive compulsive part because that is sooooo true. I can't help my OCD :(

The Week of the Perfectionist – Libra 1 September 25 – October 2

You have a contrasting personality. A highly attractive personality and the need to be in the limelight but yet are not overly social and the need to spend time alone. You have perfectionist tendencies which show in every area of your life. You have extremely high standards for yourself and those around you. Sometimes your need for perfection can lead you to become obsessive compulsive. You are an over achiever due to your insecurities and viewed as highly successful. You have an intense personality capable of great achievements but are very indecisive and can take years to make a decision. You are emotionally complex, a cool exterior that masks your inner turmoil. You have a biting sense of humor and wry wit that you express in irony and sarcasm. You are sexually intense but have a hard time sharing your feelings at a deep level.

You are emotionally complex, a cool exterior that masks your inner turmoil. <--- This line is totally what Jolene said about me during acting class. Hmm, is it that obvious?

You are sexually intense but have a hard time sharing your feelings at a deep level. <--- LOLOLOL BIG BIG FAST FAST WATERFALLLLLL.
Strengths: Attractive – Exacting – Cool Weaknesses: Indecisive – Scathing – Repressed

no where, at all. 6:01 pm

400th post on this blog. I think I'll be blogging a lot more from now on since it's one of the only outlets I have left.

Mood swings are so not healthy. And it's not even minor, it's so extreme that one moment I'm super happy and the next I'm down in the dumps. My aunt tries to get me to talk or tell her about stuff but really, when I don't feel like talking, I just won't talk. You know I'm stubborn and you know I snap pretty easily, so just let it be. You wanna ask, ask, ask and ask even more till I get so irritated and snap at you, that's not my fault. Besides, I don't have the habit of telling my family members what's bothering me so please just leave me alone.

I hope nothing's wrong.

no where, at all. 9:48 am

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Seriously watching a lot of korean vids on youtube till I get sleepy and just crash so my brain doesn't have time to think.

Watched DBSK's Come to Play and my gawwwwwwd those four boys are so dorky yet so full of winzzz! Especially my Jaejoong! He's so funny I want to hug and kiss him then keep him in my pocket =3= .. technically I can keep him in my pocket now cause Geri bought his photo card for me the other day, LOL. Yah, those loser 80 cents kind whereby they google the pics, print, laminate and then sell it at a comic store. But omgggg Jaejoong in white with short Mirotic style hair is so lovely nonetheless!!

I also watched the first episode of Yejin and Chunhee's last Family Outing and waraooosss I totally cried a river please :( I'm so sad that they're gone and I think it just won't feel right without them around in the future. Who is going to kill the fishes and animals for the family? Who is going to be the clumsy one who provides the family with comic relief? :( In any case, it's quite heartwarming to see the other family members being so supportive and how all of them seem to be acting like a real family after doing this show together for a year. But as the saying goes, all good things come to an end so I guess this would've happened sooner or later anyway. Life really just goes on and I suppose the process was what's most important. You can tell they've genuinely started to love and care for each other so that is just so awesome in my opinion!

Ahhhh there's still one more episode to it so I suppose I'll be crying another river once it gets uploaded. I hope it gets uploaded by tomorrow! Go go go Ramen Soup Subs! I think I'll watch DBSK's Happy Together episode while I wait for the other FO episode, wheeee! I'm so hopelessly in love with DBSK :(

Been crying so much lately, be it due to personal stuff or from watching sad vids, that my eyes are getting really really sore. I'm starting to wonder where all these tears come from cause they never seem to end. Once they start, they can't stop. I think I'll go put on the cold eye patch thingy before I sleep later and also rub some tiger balm on my shoulder/neck because I hurt it again while sleeping in an awkward position on the bus today ._. Kns the exact same spot some more ._.

Note to self: Stop being emo and start being strong!! You only have yourself to rely on now so do something about your own life!!

no where, at all. 4:08 am

Friday, July 03, 2009

Currently watching Exploration of the Human Body to cheer myself up and hopefully distract myself from thinking about stuff. I hope I'll be able to sleep later on since I have a mahjong session tomorrow afternoon. I suppose I should keep myself super busy for the next few months then maybe the time will pass by quickly.

I'm pretty worried about getting a new job actually. I have two weeks left for this internship at SYOGOC but I don't have much plans for the future at the moment. I suppose I really should think about it, sit down and plan something out properly before I screw up my life even further or end up being a jobless bum. Most of my friends are waiting to start school again in their various universities or have enlisted in the army. At times when I think about it, I ask myself why I just had to be a Malaysian and why did I have to sign this god damn bond? I was so proud of myself for saving money for my parents, saved them a whole 30k for my poly education. But now that I'm stuck in this rut I can't seem to get out of, I only have myself to blame.

Hmm I hope Geri's doing ok on the plane and can at least get some sleep. I spent more time travelling to and from the airport than actually spending time there but it was worth every second. I think I'd have regretted it immensely if I listened to her and not turned up to send her off. Maybe her going away is a blessing in disguise since it kinda brought us closer, I think? We're just not the type to express ourselves openly but recently we have been doing that so I'm thankful for that as well :)

Man I'm so glad I didn't take up the offer to cab back with her aunts and cousins or they would've seen me crying o.0

no where, at all. 10:57 pm

Thursday, July 02, 2009

My aunt e-mailed this horoscope thing to me and it seems to be quite accurate, for me at least.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

Heh, flirtatious. What the heck.

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Fuck I really really hate it when I know my friends are troubled and I can't do anything to help :( And oh man, it's already Thursday. :'(

Sleepless nights, random bouts of tearing ~~(because I refuse to say crying)~~ and constantly thinking back on the good times. Man this sucks balls! :(

no where, at all. 12:13 am

about the girl.