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about the girl.
kym.
20.
born 29th september 1989.
working.
living for the sake of it.
Friday, February 22, 2008
So the interview got postponed to Monday afternoon. Which is sort of good, since I've been feeling really ill the whole day ever since I woke up this morning. I don't think I want to sneeze or cough in Daren Tan's face. >.>
Sigh. Sometimes you just feel like you're a tool. You get used when you are needed, but get kept in a corner when you're of no use. I noticed this happens virtually anywhere and practically anyone can do that to you, even those closest to you, those that are supposedly supposed to "protect" you from harm and be there for you. Be it friends or family, there are actually no exceptions when it comes to stuff like that.
But when I think back on what my Chinese tuition teacher once said.. 人生来本来就是会利用对方。不管是朋友也好， 家人也好， 都一样的。 这是人的本性。
Basically what it means is... "It is human nature to rely and make use of people around them. Doesn't matter if it's family or friends, people will still make use of one another."
I guess that's true, since I feel like I'm just something, not even someone, that people around me like to utilise. Ah, how wise her words were. Even though she was a grumpy, violent and cheena old woman that once hit me for not doing my homework.
The sad thing is, it's not just one or two friends, not just one or two family members. I recently just noticed that practically 3/4 of my friends do that to me and my family... Heh let's just not go there. On one hand, I'm honoured that people choose to pour their hearts out to me when they're upset and stuff. But on the other hand, sometimes when you have your own problems and 23474 other people pile their problems on you too, it just gets a little bit too heavy. Reminds me of the movie "Secret Keeper". Check it out when you have the time, then you'll get a better picture of what I mean. Having said that, I'm not saying I mind people talking to me, I really don't mind. I'd willingly lend a listening ear but it's just sometimes... just sometimes... when you're feeling crappy, it's kinda hard to be cheerful for others, ya know?
I try my best to bring smiles to the faces of people around me because I treasure them. I absolutely do not ever want to be the one to cause them to be sad nor do I want to see their sad faces. I melt at the sight of said sad faces. So I try to please, I try to be more "fun" and I try to accommodate. Sometimes even at my own expense. Which is why, I find it hard to say no to someone most of the times. What I'm amazed at is how I can do all this, yet when I need this kind of support in return, it never happens. I try to speak of my problems to some friends and SOMEHOW, they manage to steer the conversation into their own direction and start speaking about their own problems again. Which at this point in time, I find hard to make them stop and steer it back in my direction. So once again, the vicious cycle continues and I end up listening to their problems again.
I haven't found anyone I could open up fully to since you've been gone. Maybe I'm just destined to not be able to find someone else like you in this lifetime.
