Sunday, August 13, 2006

Its a weird feeling.. I'm confused.. Is it the irony? Or is it the betrayal? Which one is hurting more? I dunno, really =/

Tried to sort out my feelings but to no avail, I'm still lost.. Very lost in fact.. Will someone be kind enough to guide me?

I was so tempted to delete that post saying that I wanted to start opening up to people.. All that irony, why is it all so coincidental?

Someone said, "You could keep it there to remind you of the irony"

I replied, "The irony is what hurts"

Then she says, "What, you're not sure what hurts more? The irony or the slap in the face?"

I was stumped.. I realised that I really didn't know =/ But, I guess I felt that the irony hurt because just when I wanted to open up.. Something makes me clamp my shell tight again.. Makes me think that I really shouldn't open up, I really can't trust anyone and that I should just be alone.. I guess that is what hurts me, the thought that no one out there is worth being close to and giving my trust to..

I might not always be the best friend out there, but I try my best to listen to my friends, cheer them up when needed, be there for them when they need me, give them a hug if they need it and lend a shoulder for them to cry on.. But, what do I get in return? I'm not directing this to all my friends.. Just.. some of them that I felt I've given a lot to them but it seems as though they never reciprocated..

Although, I have to say, I feel rather blessed to have met such great friends in poly.. You 3 know who you are.. Thanks for tolerating with me and listening to my rants and raves, guys.. But, I'm sorry, I'm still insecure at this moment in time.. Sometimes I wonder whether it'll be foolish to try once again.. To try to have trust in you guys.. To try to have confidence in friendships again.. -Shrugs- Someone gimme a sign? =/

Noticed all 4 of us seem to be having rather bad moods recently.. Cheer up guys, one sad person in the group is enough.. Let that person be me

Random stuff: I wonder why Avril Lavigne's songs has lyrics that I am always able to relate to.. Gawd, no, I'm emo T_T

Toodles poodles

P.S.: Mon mon, if you're reading this, don't brood over what happened yesterday night ok? And cry if you need to.. I need to, but can't, fo some unknown reason =/

no where, at all. 10:51 am

about the girl.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

next best thing to kbox: cbox.

the past that haunts her.

thanks.