Thursday, August 17, 2006

Right, the same thing happened again this morning.. Ok, 3.30am to be more exact.. I watched TV till 3+, heh..

Anyways, this is getting bad, I'm losing sleep over things that I shouldn't lose sleep over, if that even makes sense.. I lay on the bed and listened to music, all the while thinking about lotsa stuff again.. Gawd, I seriously think too much.. Being sensitive isn't that good either huh? I guess insensitive people have it going good, at least they feel happy because they're like, oblivious to what's happening around them and they don't give a damn to how others feel

I spent more than an hour just laying on the bed and thinking.. I tried to stop myself from worrying about unduly stuff and just sleep, but it just didn't work, thoughts just kept rushing into my head..

Its weird, how affected I am by this.. I find myself sub-conciously smiling at some thoughts.. And at others, tears well up in my eyes..

Is this what people call reflection on life? I don't know, really.. There are just some things I'll never understand, I guess.. Like what's on your mind, I'm clueless, simply clueless.. I feel so helpless and alone sometimes..

Then again, have no one to blame but myself.. Everything that's happening to me, is caused by me.. My own fault for not telling others how I feel about certain things, about what's bothering me and about..... my life.....

As depressing as this post might be, something good actually comes out of it, weeee.. o.0

Believe it or not, I have actually changed a bit.. This might sound unbelievable, but really, I was worse than this in the past.. At least now, I'm telling things to a few selected people.. I used to keep everything in me, absolutely everything.. Even if my closer friends probed me to tell, I wouldn't say anything, I would just keep mum and eventually, I guess they gave up on probing me to tell, heh

I'd take in all they had to say, anytime anyone needed a listening ear, I was glad to just listen to their sorrows.. I kept my own sorrows in me, I kept their sorrows in me, and in the end what happens? I feel miserable and frustrated.. Kinda reminds me of the movie I watched in the library with dar.. I really shouldn't keep everything in me, I don't wanna end up like her..

Everyone has secrets, so do I.. I've had bad times that I do not wanna tell people about, I agreed to change and open up, but bad times are bad times, I don't wanna be reminded of them =/

This is such a long and depressing post.. But its full of what I think, is this considered opening up a lil' more? -Shrugs- I tried

Toodles poodles

P.S.: To clear things up a little.. Dar, even though you're CRUEL, you're not as cruel as the person I mentioned in my last post, so yeah, that ain't you =P 喂不要烦啦, 你在烦什么? 有什么事尽管告诉我好吗? =)

P.P.S: Dar, I had to purposely bold, italicise and capitalise the word cruel for you.. See, the lengths I go to make people understand your cruelty -Grins- =D

no where, at all. 1:22 pm

about the girl.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

next best thing to kbox: cbox.

the past that haunts her.

thanks.